House Rules

Over the years hubby and I have had to make up certain rules relating to the bringing up of our 4 sons.


Now there are certain non negotiable rules – they are never written down or spoken about – just accepted.  The most important non-negotiable rule is:


Seat belts will be worn when in the car – a rule we implemented on the birth of our first son – if one gets into a vehicle, you put your seat belt on. The car does not move until everyone’s seat belt is on.

Then there are the House Rules and we have numbered them as they came into being. These were discussed as a family and duly implemented. There are not many and we have raised 4 wonderful boys based on the following rules:

1.  No balls in the house – pretty self explanatory this one – no one is allowed to play with balls in the house.  This rule when broken, has always proved why it is in place.
2.  Work together, play together – also pretty self explanatory. This is the hardest rule of them all as my sons tend to forget this rule daily. Sibling rivalry is something we deal with on a daily basis. It does get easier as they get older, but I think they just agree to disagree as they get older.
3.  Don’t let Mommy pick video’s (sadly this is me – I am destined to watch Blood, Guts and Gore for the rest of my life! Aliens / Werewolves / Vampires are the name of the game – although I must admit I have become partial to vampires recently and have been known to fantasise about them!)
4.  The 4 W’s – Who, What, Where, When – This info is required when my kids want to go out. We very seldom say no and there is usually a good reason when we do.
We have more recently implemented a new rule which applies to Son no 3 and 4.  Son no 3 has his birthday on the 9th of the month and Son no 4 on the 12th – one odd and one even day.  If it is your day (i.e odd dates or even dates), then you can call shotgun and sit in the front seat of the car, you get to chose the music played, but it is also your day to do chores.
These rules have worked pretty well for us.

    The number of times I have…

    It has been a strange week. Started off with doing the monthly business accounts and that of course always depress’ me.


    On Tuesday someone smashed into the back of my vehicle (dick!). Anyway I have some paint damage – not serious and I will get this touched up at my next service. His vehicle though was very damaged with his front bumper being totally smashed and his bonnet was totally crunched. I am so glad I drive a 4×4! I was stationary at the time sitting in peak hour traffic.


    Then on Wednesday I got a speeding fine – at virtually the same place as the accident. It is my own fault. I am usually quite good when it comes to obeying the speed limit as I usually have kids in the car and this in only my 4th or 5th fine in almost 30 years. It was only a small fine of R125 (around US$15).


    As these two events happened in pretty much the same place, I started thinking about how many times I had driven on this stretch of road. This is the road I take to drop kids off at school everyday and is around 8km from where I live.

    There are 200 days of school a year (on average in South Africa) and I travel this road at least 4 times per day – to school and back in the morning and to school and back in the afternoon. 
    I have done the school trip on this road for 19 years. Therefore 200 days x 4 trips x 19 years = 15,200 times.


    I have done at least 15,200 school trips on this road – this excludes the times I have used this road for extra-mural activities and other purposes. I could take the kids to school in my sleep!

    Other statistics:

    Parents Evening’s attended at school: – At least 2 per year + additional information evenings – So let’s say 3 per year for each child on average
    Son 1 – 12years at school x 3
    Son 2 – 12years at school x 3
    Son 3 – 8years at school x 3
    Son 4 – 5years at school x 3
    Total of 111 Parent’s evening’s attended to date.

    Number of combined years my children have gone to the same primary school:
    Son 1 – 7 years (less 1 when we were based in Brunei)
    Son 2 – 7 Years
    Son 3 – 7 Years (less 1 year when we were based in Dubai)
    Son 4 – 5 years (less 1 year when we were based in Dubai)
    Total = 23 combined years attending the same Primary School

    Number of combined years my children have gone to the same high school:
    Son 1 – 5 years
    Son 2 – 5 Years
    Son 3 – 1 Years
    Son 4 – N/A
    Total = 11 combined years attending the same High School

    I could go on and calculate the number of nappies changed and school lunches made , but I am sure you are all bored stiff by now….

    What is my culture?

    My 11 year old son (son no 4) has been asked to do an Afrikaans speech on his culture.  Now this is a rather difficult question from 2 angles:

    The first is that none of my kids have managed to grasp the Afrikaans language – they couldn’t speak the language if their lives depended on it.  They do not see any point in learning to speak the language and have a mental block when it comes to all things Afrikaans.  (Just a note – I was brought up very Afrikaans – I married a Brit and have lost my Afrikaans accent / culture throughout the years)

    The second thing is – what is our culture?  We are white South Africans with British ancestry.  Not sure how one explains that within a South African context.  I suppose we could say we like meat and enjoy braai’s – but so do Australians.  We like to do things as a family – but then so does most of the world.  We dress like normal people do – so does the rest of the world.  So that is not specific to our culture.  It is actually rather difficult to do and I think that white South Africans have lost their culture to a large extent – especially English speaking South Africans.

    So I asked my son how he would describe his culture.  He replied saying he would describe himself as  atheist.

    Now I am not religious at all and neither is my husband.  We both come from very different religious backgrounds and religion has not played a part in our lives.  We have never encouraged or discouraged our children from having a religion – we decided we would let them choose.  As long as they chose it, we would accept it.  Son no 1 and 2 both went out with Jewish girls and Son no 1 is now married to a Jewish girl.  Not an issue for us.  He can be whatever he wants to be and the fact that his wife is Jewish has not influenced him from a religious aspect either and he has not suddenly decided to become Jewish – his choice.

    We have never had so much as a bible in the house and have never gone to any form of church service in any shape or format.  I must admit we do celebrate Christmas – not sure why – just a day where we spoil each other rotten and I make a huge lunch.  It has absolutely no religious connotation to us.

    The schools teach them religion.  I was not against this as I think it is good that they do learn about religions so they can make an educated decision as to whether they want to belong to a religion.  I regularly hear the schools preaching the fact that good kids believe in God and pray regularly and the schools also like to say that good children have a good religious upbringing and religion is necessary to teach them right from wrong.

    I categorically disagree with this.  I have 4 amazing boys who are extremely well behaved and have all done well in school.  My 2 eldest sons have turned into wonderful Gentlemen and they have never stolen, murdered, kidnapped, raped, done drugs etc etc.  So why do people insist that you need to believe in God to have any form of morals?

    OK – so now I have digressed – back to my son believing that he is an atheist….

    I asked him why he thought he was an atheist.  He said he just did not believe in God.  I asked if he could possibly be agnostic.  He replied no – he was an atheist.  Son no 3 now joined in this conversation and he agreed with son no 4.  They do not believe in any form of a Greater Being. 

    What would I call myself – I am not sure.  I am very sceptical about all things religious.  I am not sold on any one God and I am not sure if this makes me an atheist or agnostic or maybe just stupid. 

    So this morning I reached for the printing in my printer in the office and of course there is my sons speech on being an atheist.  I have put it on my desk to think about.  Not sure he should be doing this speech as this may cause a stir amongst the teachers at school. 

    Perhaps he should think about his culture a bit more – perhaps a speech about our weekly family braai or something……

    (I apologise if I have offended anyone)

    Pussy Galore

    Hubby and I have had various cats over the years.  It started off 25 years ago when we purchased
    our first home in Durban.  The previous
    owners graciously left their big fat ginger cat behind.  I was pregnant with son no 1 when we moved
    in.  This cat used to drive me nuts – it
    did nothing but meow all day and it just could not get enough food – it always
    wanted to be fed and I used to trip over it all the time when I was in the
    kitchen.  I used to spend a vast amount
    of time in the kitchen in those days, especially after my son was born.  Disposable nappies were a luxury item then –
    I had an old twin-tub washing machine and spent hours washing cloth nappies
    every day.  I don’t remember what
    happened to the ginger cat but we obviously got rid of it somehow.

    After that we moved to  Amanzimtoti  and then to Centurion and then we moved into
    our current house in Johannesburg 16 years ago.

    

    
    Tiddles & Lick

    We then took ownership of a cat named Lick – don’t
    remember where we got him from.  He was
    black and white.  He was very friendly
    and used to lick everything and anything (hence the name).  We were of course obliged to get a companion
    for Lick – a tabby called Tiddles. 
    Tiddles was very timid and a lot smaller than Lick.  Lick used to enjoy the great outdoors and we
    seldom saw him.  Tiddles spent her days
    following me around and sitting on my lap and occasionally going for a wonder
    outside.

    So one day I went out shopping – I drove a Chrysler
    voyager back then as I had 3 kids at that stage.  I drove about 1km down the road only to hear
    a screech and saw a cat diving off the roof of my voyager in the rear view
    mirror and running off.  Dear little
    Tiddles had gone to sleep on the top of my car and I had not noticed her and of
    course I drove off with her on top.  I
    spent weeks looking for her, knocking on doors and even setting traps with the
    help of my local vet after someone reported a strange cat around their
    property.  I never saw poor Tiddles
    again.  My family like to bring this up
    regularly and have a good laugh at my expense!

    It was not long after when Lick returned home one day
    with all of his insides hanging on the outside. 
    He was either in a bad fight or had been caught in some barbed wire and
    his stomach had been completely torn open (shame).  Not sure how he had made it home alive.  He of course could not be repaired and we had
    to put him down.

    We then adopted 2 little kittens from the SPCA – Gizmo
    and Slush.  They were both very cute.

    Gizmo & Slush

    We have a security gate on our front door that closes /
    locks automatically.  There is a gap of around
    5cm between the door frame and the gate. 
    I went through the gate one day not long after we adopted them and
    slammed the gate shut (as I always do). 
    About an hour later we could not find Gizmo – we eventually found him
    strangled to death in between the gate and the door frame.

    We felt guilty about not having a friend for Slush and
    started looking around for a companion for Slush.  I eventually found a little kitten at the
    Fourways vet who was the offspring of a wild cat they had captured.  We named him Charlie.  He was not comfortable being around people
    and it took us weeks to get him to come out of hiding and comfortable enough to
    be held.

    Charlie is still with us and is now very friendly.  He is more of an outdoor cat and will not sit
    on my lap, but loves a good stroke and tummy tickle and likes to sit on your
    feet.

    

    
    Slush

    I have left Slush for last,  we have had her for quite awhile now.  She is pure white and is a real
    princess.  She is very set in her ways.  She is an indoor cat and does not like the
    big outdoors.  According to my vet she is
    deaf – although I swear she hears us. 
    She likes to sit on my lap and sleeps at my feet at night.  She does not like other animals at all.  She spends her days in a box in my storeroom
    hiding out and when I sit down and relax at night, she will come out of hiding
    and sit on my lap.  She has this “I
    hate you more” relationship with my cocker spaniel – they cannot be in the
    same room as each other.  My cocker spaniel
    lives outside (to keep the peace).  We
    have a glass sliding door between our lounge and outside.  When the glass doors are closed – Slush will
    deliberately lay on the floor right next to the glass door and tease him.  She will roll about and stretch and do anything
    to attract his attention.  They then play
    the staring game – my poor dog always loses. If you open the glass door, Slush runs back into hiding. She has got such a personality and she is like having
    another child around the house.

    I love my cats to bits and I suppose I need to treasure
    them dearly as one day when all my sons have left home – It will just be me and
    my cats…… ( and hubby of course).

    Welcome to a New Year

    Christmas is finally over and the New Year is well on its way already. I was glad to see the end of 2011 – this having been one of the worst years in my life. Saw 2 sons leaving home and having no work for almost 12 months took some strain on our finances. Finances are still an issue as our savings are all but depleted and not enough business coming in at the moment to live off of income alone just yet.  I am fairly positive things will improve this year.

    The holidays were fairly uneventful. We don’t usually go away and this was no exception. Days were spent doing nothing – relaxing and occassionally dipping into the pool. The weather has been great with temperatures of around 30 degrees.

    My mother-in-law, who lives with us, has spent 3 weeks in Cape Town and is arriving back today. She lives in a cottage on our property. Her cat has spent the last 3 weeks here. She is quite sweet but our little white cat, who is very timid, has not taken it well. So we have had to feed her in a seperate part of the house and keep the 2 of them as far away as possible from each other.  I am looking forward to having some peace back in the house as my mother-in-laws cat moves back in with her.

    Life is slowly resuming back to normal.

    Son no 3 goes back to school this week on Wednesday so have booked haircuts etc for Tuesday. Got to deal with school stationery and the packing of school bags as well. He is going into Grade 9 this year. Son no 4 only goes back to school on the 18th so he still has a few days left.

    We are back in the office tomorrow morning. Not much to do yet but at least we will have some time to do a little housekeeping in the office. Haven’t collected the mail for 3 weeks so am expecting loads of bills. We have one event which we need to start working on. The office should be bustling by Friday with a bit of luck and hopefully this year will see us having loads of work again.

    Been reading a book a day in bed these last few days. Sadly this will come to an end as I will be up and about at the crack of dawn again from tomorrow so will not be able to read till all hours of the night.

    I trust you all had a break over the festive season and arrived back home safely if you went away. 

    Let me know how you spent your holidays and what you have lined up for this year …..

    Why I can’t say NO to my kids

    This is the reason I cannot say NO to my kids…..

    They have mastered this look and I have seen it a million times.  And after 23 years – I still cannot resist these eyes!

    Yes my Boys have me very clearly wrapped around their little fingers and I love them dearly!

    (Found this pic on various other blogs so difficult to acknowledge the original owner.)

    Why I can’t say NO to my kids

    This is the reason I cannot say NO to my kids…..

    They have mastered this look and I have seen it a million times.  And after 23 years – I still cannot resist these eyes!

    Yes my Boys have me very clearly wrapped around their little fingers and I love them dearly!

    (Found this pic on various other blogs so difficult to acknowledge the original owner.)

    Teenagers and Exams

    I am sure a large percentage of you have kids in school.  My 2 youngest sons are 14 and 10 and are obviously still at school.

    My 10 year old is quite intelligent and is almost anal with his school work.  He is always trying to please his teachers, homework is done on time, gets mostly A’s in tests.  His teachers love him to bits and consider him very mature for his age.   So he is the exception to the rule.

    My 14 year old however takes after his 2 older brothers.  He is as lazy as shit.  Does only what is required for his homework.  Has used every excuse under the sun to get out of doing chores. He does okay at school – passes with a C average with doing very little studying.

    The last 2 weeks have been no exception – he has been writing exams.  He is currently in Grade 8 (high school), so he gets to go to school to write an exam and then gets to come home after the exam.  Now this may sound like a good idea – they can come home and study in a nice warm environment.  What actually happens though is that he comes home and makes a snack, goes to his room and takes his books out to study.  This is of course the last time his books are touched.

    Every time I go into his room to check what he is doing, I find him playing games / watching TV / having a nap or just “chilling”.  Apparently he is taking a break as he has been studying so hard!

    We of course go through the usually threats and bribes- study or else I will take your PC away / take your phone away / take your TV out of your room. However, these threats are never realized.  I am just too soft.  He bats his beautiful eyes at me and I crumble!
    He gives me a big hug, tells me he loves me and we start the cycle all over again.
    Do I wish he came home and studied his ass off – well yes, but a very large portion of me doesn’t want him to be any different – otherwise what excuse would there be to get all the big hugs and kisses from him!

    Teenagers and Exams

    I am sure a large percentage of you have kids in school.  My 2 youngest sons are 14 and 10 and are obviously still at school.

    My 10 year old is quite intelligent and is almost anal with his school work.  He is always trying to please his teachers, homework is done on time, gets mostly A’s in tests.  His teachers love him to bits and consider him very mature for his age.   So he is the exception to the rule.

    My 14 year old however takes after his 2 older brothers.  He is as lazy as shit.  Does only what is required for his homework.  Has used every excuse under the sun to get out of doing chores. He does okay at school – passes with a C average with doing very little studying.

    The last 2 weeks have been no exception – he has been writing exams.  He is currently in Grade 8 (high school), so he gets to go to school to write an exam and then gets to come home after the exam.  Now this may sound like a good idea – they can come home and study in a nice warm environment.  What actually happens though is that he comes home and makes a snack, goes to his room and takes his books out to study.  This is of course the last time his books are touched.

    Every time I go into his room to check what he is doing, I find him playing games / watching TV / having a nap or just “chilling”.  Apparently he is taking a break as he has been studying so hard!

    We of course go through the usually threats and bribes- study or else I will take your PC away / take your phone away / take your TV out of your room. However, these threats are never realized.  I am just too soft.  He bats his beautiful eyes at me and I crumble!
    He gives me a big hug, tells me he loves me and we start the cycle all over again.
    Do I wish he came home and studied his ass off – well yes, but a very large portion of me doesn’t want him to be any different – otherwise what excuse would there be to get all the big hugs and kisses from him!