Category Archives: risque

The Art Of Self Pleasure

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I have been married for a lifetime.  I am not that old though, having been married at 21.  But as most (nearly) middle aged women would agree with, after a certain stage, sex is not quite the same with your dearest beloved.  It is not that you love them any less, it is just a different type of love I suppose.  It is a life long love that endures all evils.  A comfort zone.  A best friend zone.

There are all sorts of challenges one has to deal with.  Managing my own business and bringing up 4 boys has been a full time job on its own for me and I can tell you that there is nothing sexy about any of this.  It leaves me tired and not even a little interested in the bedroom department.  Menopause of course also leaves one even less interested.

Dearest hubby of course is still a typical male – he wants and could have sex 50 times a day – with 10 minute intervals between each session if you know what I mean.  And I hate to admit that I spend a lot of time coming up with excuses as to why I’m not in the mood.

The Art of Self PleasureI needed to go shopping the other morning for groceries and I needed some new underwear.  My lacy nothings are really starting to look like bedraggled nothings.  So hubby decided to tag along.  Now I knew this was a mistake.  I ended up buying all sorts of lacy nothings that I would never wear – mostly due to the fact that I would be more covered wearing a string of pearls.  But anyway, I humored dearest and at least I will have a selection of lacy nothings in the draw so that if ever I pass into the next life, would embarrass the hell out of my sons when emptying out my drawers.  (Message to sons – I told you guys I’d get my own back one day…)

Hubby of course is now in a suggestive mood when we get home and is trying to convince me to go to the bedroom for a little hanky panky.  I’m of course not in the mood.  So I jokingly said “hasn’t he learnt the art of self pleasure yet”.  He thought this was funny.  He replied “can I show him how”.

So it got me thinking.  I think so many marriages would be much happier after a certain number of years if both sexes agreed that self pleasure (and i don’t mean the sort where you are being watched) was OPENLY on the table and perhaps allowing a little hanky panky on the side to relieve some of the sexual burden on each other.   Don’t think of it as cheating but as a supplement to a otherwise perfect marriage.

I am sure many of us do the self pleasure thing on occassion and would die of embarrasement if our partners found out, but I really think it is something that should be made part of your daily routine and we should not feel embarrased about it.

A fellow blogger posted a poem the other day which I thought was perfect for this post so I asked her if she would mind if I used it. So with thanks to Kitt Crescendo from The Inner Wildkat…..

Enjoy!

Soft touch
 glide on scented
 skin.
 The reverent kiss
 of finger tips
 follow
 curve
 of breast
 and hip.
 Warm response,
 arched back,
 hardened buds,
 taut;
 seeking
 heated suction
 or cruel bite…
 Aching.
 Hand delves down,
 discovers
 center of my universe…
 Wet welcome
 permeates the air.
 Hips raise,
 meet seeking touch…
 Beg to be filled.
 Quick thrust,
 fingers
 strong and sure.
 Once,
 and again.
 Light sheen glistens
 Body uncontrolled.
 Friction heats
 tiny bud
 bursts…
 Red lips
 raised in supplication.
 “Oh, God!”

The Birds and The Bees

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Today I would like to introduce you to one of my dearest friends, Marcia.  We met just after she first started blogging and I found myself in a “menopausal” state.  Her blog indexed well in google so I clicked on the link and found her blog to be well worth revisiting again and again.  I eventually got in touch with her and over the last year or so we have become great friends.  We often find ourselves comparing notes on all things – especially relating to menopause and men and find ourselves chatting well into the night on occasion.

So we have decided to draw up a list of 10 sexy questions and answers and post them on each others sites.

Please pop over to Marcia’s Menopausal Mother’s blog to read my answers, and welcome Marcia to my blog and see her answers below.

Enjoy!

I am so excited to be guesting on Life Cherries today! Lanthie is one of the first people I met in the blogosphere when I first started blogging, and she has become a dear friend to me this past year.

When we came up with this idea of sharing 10 sexy questions about ourselves, it was a no-brainer to flip blog sites for the day and guest on each other’s page. So here you have it—Menopausal Mother is airing out her dirty laundry for all to see and feeling a bit naked in the process (anybody got an extra towel or a bathrobe I can cover myself up with?).

1) What turns you on most about the opposite sex?

The first thing I notice about a man is his eyes. I don’t need words. Just. Look. At. Me. I can tell a lot about a man by watching his eyes. The other thing that turns me on is a man’s laughter. Intelligence and humor are important, but the thing that tugs at my heart the most is a man’s soft side…someone who is not afraid to show compassion, his tears and his love.

2) How would you indicate to a man that you are interested in him?

I’d make eye contact. A lot. And I would flirt, but not to the point of being obnoxious. I’d laugh at all his jokes and show him that I am genuinely interested in his life, in a nice way–not a stalker-ish way! I’m the queen of dropping subtle hints but if he doesn’t pick up on them, I’d be forced to tell him how I really felt…never mind—-I couldn’t do that. Fear of rejection would get in the way. I’d write him a letter or a poem or maybe bake him a rum cake….

3) What was your worst date ever?

 My freshman year in college I was shy and uncomfortable in a new city, so a few friends took pity on me and set me up on a blind date to attend our sorority formal dance. This weasely-looking dude comes to pick me up and encourages me to “loosen up” with some rum and coke. I’d never had it before and was deceived by its sweetness. Needless to say, I spent the entire evening with my head in the toilet in the ladies’ room. I begged my “date” to drive me home, but he was having too much fun with his buddies to bother helping me. Longest. Night. Ever.

4) What’s your most embarrassing or funny romantic encounter?

It involved whipped creme. Don’t ask. I can only tell you one very important rule from this experience—-do NOT leave dairy products on your skin for any length of time or else you will end up smelling worse than Limburger cheese.

5) What was your worst romantic flop experience?

When we were still newlyweds, my husband and I ate dinner at a very upscale restaurant to celebrate a birthday. The food was delicious, so we ate a LOT. Too much. Once home, we got amorous despite our full bellies. The moment we finished, we both made a run for the bathroom and promptly threw up our dinners–me at the toilet and he at the sink. Now how romantic is that?

6) Where is the most public place you have had an amorous encounter?

I can only pick one? A shop. A concert. The beach. A lighthouse. And a place I’m too ashamed to admit because I’m probably going to burn in hell for it. Don’t judge—it was long ago and far away in a land called, Young And Stupid.

7) Favorite time of the day for romance?

I’m a night owl, so any time after midnight works for me. It has NOTHING to do with the fact that darkness and moonlight totally enhance a body and hides all the flaws….

8) What’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever done?

Fishing topless at a lake. WHAT??? It was hot out! I needed a tan anyway….

9) How many times have you been in love?

Is there “The One” who got away? Five. I’m a romantic, what can I say? I was actually engaged once before—I cancelled the wedding just a few months before the Big Day after EVERYTHING was already paid for and reserved. I even had my bridal gown and all the bridesmaid dresses. All the other relationships just ran their course except for one, and he broke my heart. He’s also the one who got away.

10) What is your ideal date?

Being outdoors! Anything that involves gardens, wine, good food and a lot candles. I prefer being outdoors in the evening for a romantic picnic–throw in a full moon and I am one happy girl. Oh, and chocolate. Don’t forget the chocolate!

Now you really DO know more about Menopausal Mother than you probably wanted. But let’s just keep all this between us now, shall we!

Hope you enjoyed our little collaboration.  I for one would love to have Marcia guest on my blog again sometime.

Lesbian’s Sex Tape

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I have a whiteboard on the wall in my kitchen and my family knows that if they want something from the store, they need to write it on the board.  Otherwise I don’t buy it.  I have explained to them on numerous occasions that I don’t have time to inspect the cupboards before I go shopping to make a list of what we need.

Don’t just tell me you’ve run out of toothpaste or shampoo and can I buy some next time I go shopping.  I won’t remember!  Write it on the board.  Then when I go shopping, I take a pic of the board with my phone and Voila!  I have an instant shopping list.

So my 15 years old son has gotten into the habit of making notes on the board – sometimes he writes a random poem and sometimes he makes a wish list, and sometimes he tries his luck with something like the note below.  So I thought I would start putting these on my blog.

Shhhh – Don’t tell him else he’ll stop.

This is his latest message…..

Peach Smoothies

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For those of you who thought this post is about actual peaches or blended beverages, you are most definitely mistaken.  This post is about ladies private bits, so for those of you who are a little sensitive to the subject, please move on……

I was lying in the bath yesterday reading the latest issue of the Marie Claire magazine (local version).  To be perfectly honest I was struggling to find something to read in the magazine – there are so many adverts in magazines nowadays and little else to read in them.  I often swear never to buy one again,  but then a month later I find myself putting them in my shopping trolley again.

So anyway, there I am lying in the bath – I have one of those fancy Jacuzzi type baths, so the water is bubbling away around me and I am flipping through the pages.  When all of a sudden an articles catches my eye.  It is all about the latest spa treatment on offer.

I did a post a few months ago about Vajazzling and another one about waxing it all off and this is just as
violating, if not more so.  You see a Peach Smoothie is a “facial” for your lady bits!  Also known as a Vagacial.

What of earth for you may be thinking.  Well apparently some of us poor women folk feel it is necessary to have acne and ingrown hairs dealt with down there.  I mean really!

So a peach smoothie is typically done about a week after your “Hollywood“.  It involves four steps as follows:

  • First, your skin is cleansed with an antibacterial body wash and witch hazel. 
  • Then, a papaya-based exfoliating gel goes on before the beautician extracts ingrown hairs. 
  • After that, an anti-freckle, anti-acne, or calming mask is applied. 
  • It i is finished off with an application of lightening cream

Apparently you can ask for the steam treatment as well.   Reading up more about this whole process online, apparently this adds another level to it all and TINGLES.  The most tingling I ever get is when my mobile phone vibrates when ringing between my legs in the car.

So for those of you menfolk who like to go down there for an “Australian kiss” (Like a french kiss but down under), there is hope that you will soon be tasting and smelling fresh papaya.

Anal what?

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With Son no 2 living in Dubai, we hold frequent SKYPE conversations with him.  We have set up a special Skype camera on our TV in the lounge so the whole family is able to talk to him and he can also see us all regardless of where we sit in the lounge.

So last night we were all sitting in the lounge talking to Son no 2.  We were all there – Hubby and myself, Son no 3 & 4, Son no 1 and his wife and Son no 2’s best mate (referred to as T below).

Son no 2’s best mate actually lives with us.  We have a spare cottage on our premises and his mate needed somewhere to stay so we offered it to him.  Besides being school buddies and best mates, they also both work as AV technicians – Son no 2 in Dubai and his mate here in South Africa.

So anyway, we are all chatting away.  The lads are all talking crap as usual – ragging each other etc – the usual male orientated type conversation revolving around boobs, jerking off and the like.  I am chipping in occasionally but multitasking on my iPad more than actually contributing to the conversation.  When all of a sudden I hear the term “Anal Lube“.  So of course my ears prick up  and I start listening in on the conversation.  It goes something like this:

Son no 2: So T, how much anal lube do you guys go through in your company?

T: Hey what?
Me (Silently to myself): Huh?
Son no 2: It’s so F*ing hot here, we go through tons of it
Me (thinking):  Still not seeing the connection here
T: That’s why I will never last over there.  I can’t take the heat
Son no 2: We sweat so much in summer, we have to change our clothes three times day
T: Yo dude, I just couldn’t work there

At this point I couldn’t contain my curiosity any longer, so I asked….


Me: Just hold on a minute and explain what you use the anal lube for (thinking they smeared it on the AV equipment or something like that)
Son no 2: Hemorrhoids!

Apparently the sweat running down you back(side) collects down there and causes all sorts of issues.

You learn something new every day!

Tell Me More Tell Me More Like Did He Have A Car

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Women can be quite superficial at times. We all want certain things in a man and the list usually looks something like this:

  • Must be Good looking;
  • Intelligent;
  • Chivalrous;
  • Must have a good Sense of humor;
  • Good Manners;
  • Lots of money – In fact this should be at the top of the list; and
  • Must have a Nice car

So I thought I would explore the “Nice Car” scenario in this post. The term “Nice” is relative of course and we all have our favorites. So I thought I would make a list of certain cars and identify them with a celebrity of my choosing. I have decided to use the following cars and list some of the traits associated with men who drive them (based on my opinion of course) and then if I were single (hypothetically speaking), would I date or marry a guy who drives one.

(Specific Car model is not relevant)

Mercedes Benz

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Entitled
  • Spoilt
  • Arrogant
  • Dick

Would I date or marry him:

  • I’ve never been a fan of a Mercedes – even with the shirt off top down.

BMW

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Think they own the road
  • Selfish
  • Talk down to people

Would I date or marry him:

  • Nope – Doesn’t appeal to me at all.  

Jaguar

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Suit kind of guy
  • Sophisticated
  • Non-spontaneous
  • Not bothered about peer pressure

Would I date or marry him:

  • It is a nice car but I will take this under consideration – perhaps just a short term affair – who knows, I may need a lawyer one day!

Audi

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • A guy who is not sure if he should be driving a Mercedes, a Lexus or a BMW.
  • Settled for second best
  • Non-committal

Would I date or marry him:

  • Maybe – The car doesn’t say enough about him.  Perhaps a few dates to test the water and have a little fun

Land cruiser / Prado 

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Ready for a challenge
  • Spontaneous
  • Rough & Ready

Would I date or marry him:

  • I personally drive a Prado and I quite like the rough and ready type – so a definite maybe

Land rover

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Not afraid to get his hands dirty
  • A man who know’s how to change the oil (after all – you have to be able to fix it every time it breaks down)
  • Rough & Ready

Would I date or marry him::

  • Just like the Land Cruiser – a definite maybe. 

Range Rover (Not the Evogue – those are for Women drivers only!)

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Stable, solid guy
  • Successful, yet adventurous
  • Safe
  • Rough & Ready

Would I date or marry him:

  • A definite YES (Hubby used to drive one – But it kept breaking down all the time so he dumped it!  Pity)

Porsche

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Spontaneous
  • Exciting
  • Gorgeous smile smirk
  • Abs to die for

Would I date or marry him:

  • Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, oh YES…..  Even if it doesn’t have a back seat!  Sorry – what were we talking about again…… Would I marry him?  Not on your life!

Porsche Cayenne

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Someone who used to drive a real Porche and has had to settle for second best for practical reasons
  • Committed

Would I date or marry him:

  • Hmm – Probably.  Perhaps just good enough for an affair though as he is probably taken

Lexus

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Boring
  • Practical
  • Didn’t think of a Mercedez Benz 

Would I date or marry him:

  • No – not really

Bentley

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Loads of money
  • Born with a silver spoon in his mouth
  • Who cares about the rest – he is loaded (Normal rich guys who earned their money will drive something a little more showy)

Would I date or marry him:

  • Definitely – he is loaded – perhaps he’ll only live another 6 months

Aston Martin

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  • Very successful
  • Oozes money
  • Could be fun

Would I date or marry him:

  • Yes – No questions asked!

Ferrari (Only red ones count – any other color is a fake!)

What sort of guy I perceive drives one:

  1. Show-Off
  2. Pretentious
  3. Guy who is trying to make up for “what’s not under the hood”

Would I date or marry him:

  • I could “get off” on just looking at this car, but I’m afraid I would never date a guy who own’s one – just too pretentious for me and probably too much competition in the wings.

Hope I didn’t offend anyone – I am always open to persuasion!

Trashy Books and Other Good Reads

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I like to do one or 2 posts a year about the books I have read. A year ago I was reading a book a week so it was easy blogging about what I have read.

I got lazy this year though. Or let me explain it this way – I discovered iBooks on my iPad. Being able to browse the store and download books in an instant is the next big thing to sliced bread. Or so I thought….  
The problem with reading books on your iPad is that there is just so much else to do and I started having problems concentrating. I would open a book and read a page or 2. Then I would check my email / check my facebook page / make a to do list for the next day / check my stats on my blog / read some comments on my blog / read other people’s blogs / comment on them / play some mahjong and eventually look at the clock to see it is way past midnight and I need to be up in 4 hours. 
So I stopped reading.
Then I read about all the hype surrounding 50 Shades of Grey and downloaded the first book. And read it in 2 days. I felt great again. My mind was relaxed and I slept better. So I downloaded books 2 and 3 of the trilogy – 50 Shades Darker and 50 shades Freed – and read them both within days. 
Then I got sidetracked again and stopped reading once more.
I read the hype surrounding JK Rowling’s Casual Vacancy and downloaded it – read a few pages but I just couldn’t get into it.  It is still sitting in my unread collection.
Downloaded Jeffrey Deaver’s XO – I usually love his books.  It has taken me 4 months to read half of it – also still sitting in my unread collection.
Downloaded 2 Nora Roberts books which I can usually read within a day or 2 – light reading / no thought required.  Could not get into either of these – also sitting in my unread collection.
Downloaded The Story of O – loved it and read it in days.  Managed to do a post on comparing Story of O to 50 Shades (click here to read it)
Have managed to read a few other books:  The Lady of the Rivers by Philippa Gregory.  And some other light erotic books – none really worth mentioning – quick reads – all fall into the trash category.
Ken Follet
Spotted the new Ken Follet book in the window of a local bookstore – Winter of the World – the second book in the Fall of Giants series.  I um’ed and ah’ed about getting it.  At the current rate at which I am reading, it would take me 6 years to get through it.  I do love his books though so I bought it anyway.  It sat on my side table for a month before I tried reading it.  I just could not concentrate – read a paragraph or 2 and fell asleep.  Tried again and again and the same thing happened.  It eventually occurred to me that the reason I could not concentrate was that the print was too small – not like reading on iBooks where I can change the size of the font.  So I got a stronger pair of reading glasses and have now managed to read almost half of it in a week.  Don’t think I will manage to finish it before the New Year but I will get through it soon.
Browsed the iBook store last night again and was looking at the top charts – Spotted Bared to you by Sylvia Day.  I have read about this book in a few other blogs and it has been recommended by others who enjoyed 50 Shades.  So I downloaded it last night.  Started reading it and couldn’t put it down – WOW – it is so steamy!  Plays on one’s fantasies and definitely gets one all HOT and WET if you know what I mean.  I haven’t finished it yet but will certainly be finishing it tonight.  Have also downloaded book 2 – Reflected in You.  Better than the 50 Shades trilogy so I strongly recommend this for those who like reading the odd erotic novel.
I have to admit that ebooks has changed what I read.  I would never have thought that I would try reading erotica never mind actually enjoying it.  And it has opened my mind up to a whole new fantasy world.

Vaj What?

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So I was reading a recent copy of the Marie Claire magazine this evening and there is an article about “Vajazzling“.

In case you don’t know what this is – it is the art of bejewelling your privates with Swarovsky crystals.  (Feel free to look it up.)

So of course I was tempted to look at some pics on the web (my curiosity has no bounds!).

Now as you know – I have a fairly open mind.  But this is really one of those things you can only do if you have an amazing body – a body good enough to be able to lay there in the buff in public and let all and sundry appreciate the “art”.  It would look great on a stripper for instance or one of those ladies who lay on sushi bars and the members of the opposite sex eat off them (I am sure there is a name for them).

Not sure why a normal person would want to do this – it is not as if men are actually bothered about what you look like down there – believe you me – once your pants are down they are thinking about loads more than your crystals.

I suppose you could say it is the same as waxing.  But I would disagree – I wax everything down there because it is more comfortable – not because it is going to get me laid any better or easier.  I can’t see how bejewelling yourself will make you any more comfortable. In fact I imagine it is quite irritating and scratchy.

The worst is that it only lasts for about 5 days – so this is really something you do for a special occasion – like your wedding night and you do something like this…..

But hey – if you are not going to leave anything to the imagination – you may as well just have this applied:

And of course there is even a male version called Pejazzling …..  I am sure you all know how to Google it