Category Archives: doctor

Game of Twister anyone?

Posted on by
11
I went for my annual mammogram today.  I go once a year as I had a breast lift and augmentation many years ago.    They do a routine check to make sure there are no leaks from my implants and of course the usual cancer screening.

They have a special suite for mammograms at the hospital here – all decked out with comfy lounge suites and special change rooms, fully carpeted and obviously all designed by an interior designer. And they are ever so nice and polite.

The only uncomfortable part of the whole experience is the mammogram itself. The only way I can describe it to the opposite sex, is to get you to picture yourself naked in the middle of a twister game whilst putting your privates in a vice grip and tightening it. Not a pleasant experience at all.

Hopefully this sees the end of my annual tests and I am good for another year.

Things I’d Rather Be Doing Than Having a Pap Smear

Posted on by
10

I am due for my annual pap smear this week so I thought I would come up with a list of things I’d rather be doing while laying there in all my glory.

It always amazes me when the Gynecologist asks you to please get undressed and put a gown on – I mean what for?  He is seeing everything there is to see and more.  Not to mention that the gown is typically 3 sizes too small and doesn’t tie anyway.  So really what is the point.

Then you lie on the bed while he pretends to make small talk and apologizes while he gropes your tits, gently opening one side of the gown, grope, grope, then closing it and opening the other side and having a quick grope there as well.  Guess what Doc – the small talk is not helping.

Then the towel comes out and gets thrown over your knees and he asks you to please lift them up and part them.  I am really not bothered about you seeing my knees Doc!  He then brings the lamp right up to your nicely clean shaven / waxed parts and shines it right up there.  Then the gloves comes on and the tube of lube appears.  Ug!

He is still making small talk and you are now trying to not think about him or what he is saying or what he is doing and you are trying to think of…….

  • Taking out the trash
  • Cleaning the drains
  • Scrubbing the shower
  • Scrubbing the remnants last night spaghetti sauce off the carpet which your little one gladly brought up at 2am
  • Cleaning out the litter box
  • Cleaning behind the stove
  • Cleaning the kids toilet
  • Picking up the “present” your cat brought in earlier
Let me know of some of the things you would rather be doing than having your annual check up….

Boys will be Boys – Part 4

Posted on by
3

This is the fourth part of my Boys will be Boys theme.  This takes place in December 2007.

We went to Dubai for our annual vacation.  In fact it was more like a reward for Son no 4.  We have always had this deal with our kids that when they are able to read “Cat in the Hat” by Dr Seuss, they could pick ANY present they wanted.  Son no 4 had completed reading the whole book out to us a few months earlier (he was in his first grade at school) and he wanted to go Skiing as his present.

As we had never been skiing before, we didn’t want to go to a skiing resort only to have the kids hate it.  So we suggested Ski Dubai and Son no 4 loved the idea.  We also have family who live in Dubai so it was a good excuse to see them as well.

The kids spent about a week going for daily skiing lessons and loved every minute of it.  However, Son no 4 had been going to the same group lesson and as he was much younger, he did not “graduate” the course they were taking.  My other 3 sons really wanted to go quad-biking in the sand dunes and there was only one day left of our holiday.

We arranged for my Sister-in-law to take Sons 1 to 3 quad-biking and hubby and I arranged for a private skiing lesson for Son no 4 to help him “graduate” on the last day.  While hubby and I are sitting at Sky Dubai waiting for the lesson to finish, we get a call from my Sister-in-law.  She informs us that Son no 2 has fallen and hurt himself and they were on their way back to the city to the hospital and can we meet them there.

Hubby and I are obviously in a panic.  We have no idea how bad he is hurt and they were way out in the desert so it was a long trip back into the city.  In the meantime, there is nothing we can do until they get Son no 2 to the hospital and we had to wait for the skiing lesson to finish anyway.

Eventually the lesson ends and my Brother-in-law meets us and takes us to the hospital.  There is Son no 2 in pain – he had fallen off the quad bike and had a bone sticking up out of his shoulder. (It looked as bad as it sounds).  So we waited in the emergency room for the relevant doctors and x-rays etc.

Eventually we got to see the Orthopedic Surgeon and he explained to us that Son no 2 had broken his clavicle and he needed surgery to repair it.  He then goes on to recommend that we go back to South Africa and have it done back home.  He assured us that Son no 2 is in no danger and with the relevant pain medication, he would make the trip without any problems.

By now it was late afternoon and we were due to return to South Africa the following morning anyway so we agreed.  We didn’t really want to commit to what could be a costly experience, not to mention that we were a little reluctant to put our faith in a foreign medical system.  The surgeon stabilized the injury and prescribed the relevant medication.

2 Days later back in South Africa Son no 2 was operated on and a metal brace inserted to repair his clavicle.  His had the brace taken out a few month later and he is just left with an ugly scar across his shoulder.

Click here to read Part 3