Vibrators and Finger Massagers

I have been married for quite a while now and Hubby and I have had our fair share of “toys” in the bedroom. We have a secret stash of P-O-R-N, lubricants, vibrators etc.
My kids have never been the exploring type and we are fairly open and honest. There are no taboo topics which we don’t discuss with them. We encourage talk about sex, nudity etc etc. However there are certain things which we don’t disclose to the kids – our secret stash is of course one of those things.
I keep my vibrators in the bottom draw of my nightstand and the rest is kept elsewhere in the bedroom.
When my first 2 sons were much younger – I think they were around 9 and 6 years old, we went though a period where we spent quite a lot of time in the bedroom as a family – I had just given birth to son no 3 and it was the middle of winter so it was easier to keep the bedroom warm and just hang out there in the evenings. 
So one evening son no 1 and 2 were playing on the floor and hubby and I were watching TV in the bedroom. All of a sudden son no 2 says “What’s this mommy?”

Of course he was holding up my vibrator. Back in those days we did not have all the funny shapes and sizes we have today – they were fairly boring and flesh coloured. So I said the first thing that came to mind – “It is my finger massager”.

Hubby and I froze waiting for a reaction from son no 1 and 2.  
Son no 2 bent back over and put it back in the draw and said “Oh”. And that was the end of the conversation.
Both of them were happy with my explanation, they didn’t ask for any more information and we of course did not volunteer any more. 
It wasn’t until many years later when they were in their late teens when it suddenly dawned on Son no 2 what it was and we had a really good laugh about it. It still comes up occasionally at family gatherings.

(Reblogged from one of my 2012 posts)

What Makes A Man Sexy?

As the mother of 4 boys, I am most definitely the thorn amongst the roses.   And I quite possibly have myself to blame.

You see, when I got married, I was young and innocent and had a lot to prove.  I wanted to be able to stand up on my own 2 feet and never feel dependent on a man.  I made a point of trying to do it all – including any DIY tasks.  So over the years if anything needed to be fixed or cabled up or programmed, I was the go to person. I am the technical one in the family.  I like to know how things work and I also pick things up very easily.  I can do anything and I am a true Jack of All Trades.

In my mission to be Supermom, I have done all the shopping and cooking and running of the home and managing of the children.  I have been lucky enough to have a maid to do the general cleaning but her duties have always stopped there.  Besides being Supermom, I also am part owner of 4 companies and run another company.  I have a very full day starting at 4am.

Hubby is and always has been a workaholic.  It is very typical for him to get up at 1am and be in the office working.  He enjoys what he does and I don’t have a problem with the hours he works. It also means he is in bed by 7pm at night of course.  We have always been very lucky with our business and have never wanted for anything so I can’t complain.  He has of course always let me get on with trying to be Supermom and left everything to me.

But lately things have changed.  I am tired of doing it all.  I would die happy if I never cooked another meal or attended another school function or attended another parents evening or done any shopping.  I love shopping as much as the next woman when it involves buying nice pretty things for me, but I am so done with the day to day shopping for groceries or household related items.  I am tempted to let my family die of starvation unless they go out and buy it themselves and cook it themselves.  Oh what I’d do for a man who could cook and do the shopping.

I hate it when I ask my family what they want for dinner – The typical answer is what have we got or whatever you want to make.  Guys – don’t you get it! I don’t want to make anything.  Just tell me WTF you want and I’ll make it.  The same with the grocery shopping.

So this brings me down to the point of this post.  I would like nothing better than to have a man that shares in the grocery shopping and cooking.    I think there is nothing sexier than a man in the kitchen making a meal and I mean a real meal – not eggs on toast or heating a ready made meal up in the microwave.

But then I saw something that made me see the downside to this fantasy.

I spent most of the weekend doing paperwork for a charitable organisation’s board I sit on and the board sat on Sunday morning so I did not have the opportunity to go shopping when I usually do.  The first opportunity I had was at lunch time on Sunday.  It was hectic.  Parking was a nightmare.  There were no trolleys.  The shelves were empty.  There was a long queue for the tills.  I was forced to spend longer than I wanted in the store.  Which gave me more time to observe other people shopping.

There was a young’ish father shopping in front of me.  He definitely had the drool factor (real nice tight ass!)  He was also pushing a trolley with a young girl of about 5 in – obviously his daughter.  So trying to keep my eyes off his ass, I was observing his interaction with his daughter.  And after a while I found myself uttering the term “Oh cute”.

Yeah – “Oh cute”.  They were adorable together.  He was all cutchy-coo with her and she was all lovey dovey to him.  And suddenly the drooling stopped.  There was nothing manly or sexy about him at all – in fact I wanted to barf!

I would hate to imagine him going home and the 2 of them together in the kitchen cooking a meal.

So a message to all you hot sexy dads out there – I know you quite possibly love your daughters more than life itself, but please leave them at home when you go shopping.  You can’t imagine how much you destroyed a perfectly good fantasy today.

Bullshit!

Being a parent is hard work and I am sure all of you will agree.   It is so nice to be able to reflect on your hard work as a parent occasionally when your children do something to make you proud, or even bring a smile to your face.

My sons have all developed a great sense of humor over the years and it is nice to see them expressing this on occasion.  I get on really well with all my sons and I am so glad we find the humor in communicating and it goes a long way to opening the lines of communication between us.

Last week son no 3 arranged for me to fetch him at 11am from school.  He happened to finish early and sent me a text message to collect him at around 10.30.  As I was in a meeting, I could not leave immediately and he had to wait until I finished.  I thought I would send you a copy of our text conversation as follows: (ignore the fact that he can’t spell!)

Close up of the pic in case you can’t see it properly:

Gotta love em!

Cops and Robbers

I have had one of those episodes again where I wonder why I live where I do.  And yeah I  know I will get all sorts of comments from you all as well – please go easy on me – I love my home!

Hubby is in hospital at the moment as he had an operation on Monday.  So I am alone at home with my 2 sons.  No big deal as I’m a big girl, mother of 4 boys and that sort of thing and I don’t scare easily.

Anyway, I was in bed last night at around 10.30 when the gate buzzer rings.  Very unusual for this time of night.  So I jump out of bed – now I am half naked so I have to think about this – do I get dressed first or do I just put my gown on.  So I opt for the gown – Doubt I am actually going to see anyone as I am not expecting guests so I will tell whoever it is to be on their merry way very quickly.

By now, whoever it is, is pressing the gate buzzer non stop and just irritating the hell out of me.  So I get to the front door and answer the intercom system while looking at our camera system.  All I can see on the camera system is loads of flashing lights.  I ask who it is and they say it is the Police and can I please open up.

Ahem….  What now!

So I unlock Fort Knox and do a visual check to make sure it is the Police and then let them onto the property.

I am greeted by about 12 fully armed cops – in full gear with big guns (I’m not the gun sort so all I can tell you about them is that they are big – about arms length – look very dangerous type of thing).  They explain to me that there was a break-in at a property 2 roads down and they are in pursuit of a suspect.  They have wounded the suspect so he could not have gone very far and they would like to check my property to make sure he isn’t hiding out anywhere.

By now I’m feeling a little self conscious standing there in my gown and not much else in front of all these men.  I start assembling the various keys required to unlock the various gates around my property so they can get into all the areas.

Kids of course are still fast asleep – nothing seems to wake them.

About 10 minutes later they finish having a look and I let them out and lock up again.  I attempt to go back to bed.  But of course I am now feeling a little vulnerable.  I decide to lock the security gate we have down our passage which blocks the bedroom area from the rest of the house.  Then back off to bed.

About 45 minutes later, as I am just nodding off, the gate buzzer rings again.

So I repeat the procedure from earlier on, except now I have to unlock the passage gate as well.  This takes me an extra few minutes and by the time I get to the front door, whoever it was has given up and I can just see lights moving back up my drive-way.  Grrrrr.

Locked everything back up and went back to bed with the intention of being in the land of nod within 5 minutes.  Easier said than done……  I got back to bed but doubt I slept more than 2 hours throughout the night.

Spent the day in a fowl mood snarling at everyone.

Hope they caught whoever they were looking for.  Hate to think he is still out there somewhere hiding!

Rambling Update

As many of you know, I write and contribute to the Ramblings of a Semi-Madman blog as well.  I do try to keep the Ramblings Tab just under my header reasonably up to date with my contributions.  A summary of all my contributions are also summarised below.  So pop on over if you haven’t seen all or some of them or just wonder on over anyway and have a look at Matt’s site.

  1. Dating On The Dark Side
  2. What Not Too Wear (To the Pool)
  3. Cherries, Peaches and Papaya’s
  4. Lanthie’s Compendium #1 – Sploshing
  5. All About Lanthie
  6. Things No Man Should Be Without (Lanthie’s Compendium #2)
  7. Tell Me More Tell Me More Like Does He Have A Car
  8. May the 4th Be With You
  9. Cherries and Bananas – New Blog Post Series
  10. Cherries and Bananas – The Size of the Bulge
  11. What am I missing?
  12. Cherries and Bananas – The Correct Way to Break Up
  13. Advice from Lanthie about my pregnant friend
  14. Cherries and Bananas – A Little Too Much Teeth
  15. The Indian with One Testicle (Joke)
  16. Cherries and Bananas – Who Should Pay
  17. Happy Birthday post from the team
  18. Blow Jobs – (Lanthie’s Compendium #3 to 5)
  19. Cherries and Bananas – Spicing it up in the bedroom

There Were No Half Naked Men Involved

My birthday week finally draws to a close.  It has been the most awesome birthday ever.

I turned a whole year older on Wednesday.  My day started with Hubby making me a nice cup of tea at 4am (Yeah 4am!  It’s a work day).  Kids got up about 5 minutes earlier than usual to give me a quick kiss and a hug and hand me my new iPad 4!  Haven’t had a chance to set it up as yet but can’t wait.

The rest of the day was no different to any other day – sat at my desk working.

My brother called to confirm he was collecting me as 6 and asked me to wear something nice.

I left my desk at about 5 to get “dressed”.  Thought I’d wear my new black leather mini skirt, remembering my brother did tell me to wear leathers.  I thought I would go all out.  I put on my suspenders, stockings, leather mini, black blouse (with popper buttons) and red high heel shoes.  I looked awesome!  I was so going to own the evening.

Then my daughter-in-law arrived, took one look at me and said I had to change.  WHAT?  WHY?  She just said she thought it was inappropriate and I needed to wear trousers.  After a debate, I called my brother to confirm what I should be wearing and he politely told me that he thought trousers were more appropriate.    I then rather annoyingly took off my new skirt, stockings and suspenders and put on a pair of black jeans.  I insisted on still wearing my red heels.

My brother duly arrived to collect me.   On the way to wherever, my brother asks if I trust him.  I said yes of course – why wouldn’t I.  Rather a strange question.  My office is near to one of the local Casino’s and we were headed in that direction.   As we drove past the Casino, there was a party bus parked outside.  My brother asked me if I had ever been on one.  I said no.  He asked if I wanted to go on one.  All of a sudden I could picture the night being one big piss-up!  Not quite what I had in mind.

Thank goodness we drove past and he turned into the office park where my offices are.  And I spot 3 Harley’s parked outside.  Now my heart is starting to pound in excitement.  Hope they are for me!

He parks and we head for the restaurant downstairs.  There are 3 guys sitting there in leathers and my brother introduces me as the Birthday Girl.  The one guy was the first guy to bring a Harley into the country about 30 year ago.  The second guy introduces himself as Michael – he looked very familiar but I couldn’t place him.  And the third guy had rather a quiet disposition.  We sat and all had a drink together and just chatted about Harleys and things.  If my evening ended here, it would have been good.

They then informed that they they were taking me for a ride.  Just the 3 of them.  They would meet my brother again at 11 at some joint miles away.

So now I’m a little concerned – thinking what on earth are 3 bikers going to do with me all evening.  I am not exactly great company on my own and can be a little shy and reserved.  They don’t look the gang bang type either so shit only knows what we are going to do for the next 5 hours.

Anyway, I point out I am wearing heels and I show off my new red shoes.  They brush it off and say don’t worry about it.  They help me into my Harley leather jacket (so glad I brought it) and I am directed to the bikes.  The BIG RED one is mine.  (Hope they couldn’t spot me drooling).

Michael is assigned to me.  (Still can’t place him and he looks so familiar)  He gets on, starts the bike and they explain how I am supposed to get on and sit in the pillion seat.  I used to ride a bike back when I was about 18 – nothing big and without a license.  I haven’t been on a bike since and I have never been on a bike as a passenger.  I have trust issues with someone else riding.  Anyway, I take a deep breath and quietly tell myself to embrace the evening and opportunity.  And off we go.

Spot the red heels

I was in heaven!  I can’t remember having so much fun in all my life.  This is where I was supposed to be – on a Harley!  I was not scarred, not concerned.  I forgot about everything else in life.  Bliss!

We went up and down various roads and ended up on the freeway.  Eventually taking the Sandton off-ramp.  Now I had a slight idea where we were headed to.  The Harley dealership is in Sandton.  And as we approach the dealership, I spot loads and loads of cars parked outside.  Now it dawns on me what is happening for the evening.

Michael pulls into the dealership and stops the bike.  I now have to get off.  Sounds easier than it is – my legs (and quite possibly my brain) was not going to cooperate.  I could not get off.  After 5 minutes of struggling, I eventually wriggled my way off.

Quick photo opportunity as we are met by the rest of my family and I am led into the upstairs section of the dealership.

SURPRISE


There are all my friends and family.  Could the evening get any better.

The place looks awesome.  The room is decked out with tables and chairs and just looks amazing.

I spend the next 15 minutes going around and greeting each person individually.  I then pop over to the bar to thank the 3 bikers for the awesome ride and we get chatting over a drink.  It suddenly dawns on me who Michael is – he is the brother of a good friend and business associate.  Pure coincidence – and of course once we twigged, we had a good laugh about it.  They then left.  (And my heart sank thinking that was end of my riding for the evening).

There was an airbrush artists there who apparently does custom spray jobs on Harley’s so everyone was queuing up to get some form of airbrushed “fake” tattoo’s done.

My fake tattoo

Dinner was eventually served.  Everyone was having fun and it was great to see my friends all having a good time.

Eventually cake time and I was called to do the honors.  Now this is the bit where I get a little nervous. I don’t like taking centre stage or being in the spotlight and standing in front of a room full of people doing a speech is not my idea of fun.  I suck it up,  blow out the candles (and yeah they were the non-blow-out sort that keep reviving themselves  haha).  Speech didn’t happen – I said a quick Thank You to all and that was as good as it was going to get.

I eventually ended up at the bar.  I am not a big drinker but I thought this was my night and I was going to let a little lose tonight – Shooters it was!  Ended up making our own – Caramel Vodka and Chocolate Vodka mixed – now called a “Lanthie” – absolutely yummy!

The night slowly drew to a close with everyone slowly saying good night – it was a work day the next day.  I eventually got home at about 11.45pm.

Best night of my life and the bike ride more than made up for there not being any half naked men.