I have been married for a lifetime.  I am not that old though, having been married at 21.  But as most (nearly) middle aged women would agree with, after a certain stage, sex is not quite the same with your dearest beloved.  It is not that you love them any less, it is just a different type of love I suppose.  It is a life long love that endures all evils.  A comfort zone.  A best friend zone.

There are all sorts of challenges one has to deal with.  Managing my own business and bringing up 4 boys has been a full time job on its own for me and I can tell you that there is nothing sexy about any of this.  It leaves me tired and not even a little interested in the bedroom department.  Menopause of course also leaves one even less interested.

Dearest hubby of course is still a typical male – he wants and could have sex 50 times a day – with 10 minute intervals between each session if you know what I mean.  And I hate to admit that I spend a lot of time coming up with excuses as to why I’m not in the mood.

I needed to go shopping the other morning for groceries and I needed some new underwear.  My lacy nothings are really starting to look like bedraggled nothings.  So hubby decided to tag along.  Now I knew this was a mistake.  I ended up buying all sorts of lacy nothings that I would never wear – mostly due to the fact that I would be more covered wearing a string of pearls.  But anyway, I humored dearest and at least I will have a selection of lacy nothings in the draw so that if ever I pass into the next life, would embarrass the hell out of my sons when emptying out my drawers.  (Message to sons – I told you guys I’d get my own back one day…)

Hubby of course is now in a suggestive mood when we get home and is trying to convince me to go to the bedroom for a little hanky panky.  I’m of course not in the mood.  So I jokingly said “hasn’t he learnt the art of self pleasure yet”.  He thought this was funny.  He replied “can I show him how”.

So it got me thinking.  I think so many marriages would be much happier after a certain number of years if both sexes agreed that self pleasure (and i don’t mean the sort where you are being watched) was OPENLY on the table and perhaps allowing a little hanky panky on the side to relieve some of the sexual burden on each other.   Don’t think of it as cheating but as a supplement to a otherwise perfect marriage.

I am sure many of us do the self pleasure thing on occassion and would die of embarrasement if our partners found out, but I really think it is something that should be made part of your daily routine and we should not feel embarrased about it.

A fellow blogger posted a poem the other day which I thought was perfect for this post so I asked her if she would mind if I used it. So with thanks to Kitt Crescendo from The Inner Wildkat…..

Enjoy!